


Hamilton: prompts, one-shots and more

by DoodleDemon



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Angst, Death, Fluff, Gay, Gen, Love, kinks?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 23:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11345025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoodleDemon/pseuds/DoodleDemon
Summary: Everything Hamilton





	1. Angst

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, USE OF TERM CREOLE BASTARD also mentions of non consensual sex, SELF HARM and SELF HATRED.

IF THESE THINGS TRIGGER YOU PLEASE AVOID THIS POST.

Non Canon version of the Reynolds Affair where Hamilton is actually a loyal husband and refuses the affair but maria won’t listen. When he runs out of money a fake pamphlet is published with a forged signature. Everyone detests Alexander and he becomes depressed.

All Characters belong to Lin Manuel Miranda except Madilton (ship name but hey), Cattivo and Simon. (who are all senators).

Alexander’s POV

My hand shook as I hastily scrawled my speech for the debate later this afternoon; I don’t wish to have all of the angry eyes boring into my back again but alas I am required to attend. As the hours passed I had managed to push the negative thoughts to the back of my mind praying to god that those dark thoughts would not plague me again until after the debate. Once my speech was written I returned to my previous task of preparing the original pamphlet about the Reynolds Affair. I refused her, I did NOT consent to it yet….everyone blindly believes I willingly cheated on Eliza. A man can only take so much hatred before he cracks and I have long since buckled beneath the anger and hatred. My children yelled they’d rather be without me, my wife won’t let me explain and my friends are unresponsive. I just want the truth to be told so I can finally escape this personal hell of mine. As I finished fixing the last few smeared letters my office door swung open, “Hamilton.” I felt the temperature drop slightly and saw Senator Madilton and his two fellow senators blocking the doorway,”If it is not a dire issue please leave me to my work.” I said carefully hiding the pamphlet beneath mt speech. “Hamilton all you do is work.” Senator Simon said. “You should rest.” I narrowed my eyes, “Don’t act like you suddenly care.” I spat angrily trying to force the burning tears to hold their position behind my eyes. “Such harsh words.” Cattivo purrs. “Leave me be!” I said getting upset not in the mood to deal with their scorn.

“You think that the truth will save you Hamilton? You think you can escape what is already published?” Madilton said coming closer. “I cannot undo what YOU have done no, but I can tell America what REALLY happened… the parts of that affair that you left out.” I spat back tears starting to escape down my cheeks. “Look at you crying over nothing! What did Washington see in you?” I gripped my sleeves my own insecurities rising to the surface once again. “Your wife doesn’t want you and neither does your family or your friends. face it you’re alone.” I trembled shutting my eyes tightly as tears dripped off of my chin. 6 months of endless emotional torture, of endless glares and angry whispers as I walk the streets. “Just leave me be please.” I said brokenly. “What authority do you have to make a such a request?” Cattivo jeered. “This is my office.” I replied. “You don’t sound so certain of that.” Simon leered. “Regardless you need to join us for the debate. Do dry your tears Hamilton, you look pitiful.” Madilton and the other two left me there to scramble for my speech and follow them to the Congress floor.

 

“Why is Hamilton here?” “That creole bastard has no place in this room after what he has done.” “No one needs his loud opinions anyhow.” Washington called order, “Hamilton you first.” I read my speech pausing and stuttering as the senators whispered angrily among themselves. I finished my speech and waited for a response, “Jefferson, Madison if you please.” Washington said and I sat listening to them both not bothering to correct them as my own dark thought consumed me. The debated faded into the background and their words sounded far away; I truly am alone. I felt tears burn in my eyes as the horrid memories of the past 6 months came to haunt me. Eliza burning all of the love letters that took me hours to write and send, my son and daughter screaming that I’m not their father anymore, being slapped by Angelica… “What no witty response Hamilton?” Jefferson said.I slowly came back to the present and looked away from him not saying a word. 

“Y’all managed to break him?” Jefferson said. “Own up to your infidelity and stop crying about it Hamilton.” Simon spat. “Yes and while you’re at it leave your position!” Another senator shouted. “We don’t need you or your financial systems.” I curled into myself tears burning in the corners of my eyes. “That is enough!” Washington spat, “We do NOT bring personal matters into this court room.” I trembled clenching the arm rests of my chair tightly my knuckles going white. “Now. Does anyone have anything to say in regards to wither side of the argument?” Washington asked. “Hamilton is wrong.” Madilton called. “Why so?” Washington pressed. “He can never be correct.” Washington sighed rubbing his temples. “If none of you have anything backed by logic about why my secretary is wrong be silent.” “But sir-” Madilton said. “Silence.” Washington said coldly. I tried to recompose myself but all I could heer was the jeering of the senators. “Hamilton?” Jefferson said. “Son?” Washington’s voice echoed slightly. “D-don’t call me son…” I replied my head throbbing as tears began to once again slide down my cheeks. “Alexander!” Burr shouted as I gripped the chair tighter. I faintly heard Washington call recess not realizing two hours had passed. I stood mumbling excuse me ignoring the concerned calls of my fellow politicians and father figure. I mentally cannot take another day of this! 

I briskly walked to my office pushing the papers off my desk grasping the pamphlet after signing it properly. I walked to the publisher and handed him the money I’d saved saying, “Run it for tomorrow please.” He nods and I smile for the first time in months. I go back to the white house sitting in my office pulling out the broken quill I’d hidden earlier in the week. I unbuttoned my cuffs sliding my sleeves up staring at the scars. “What does Washington see in me..?” I whispered pressing the sharp edge of the quill shaft against my arm and slicing the skin watching blood rush to the surface of the cut. I scratched my arms more, “I am useless, loudmouth bother…not worthy of this position…I don;t deserve my wife….or family…” I stopped after five lines were cut on each arm and grabbed the black rag I had to clean myself up not bothering with lunch. Trembling I wrapped my arms and returned to the floor for the remaining hour of the meeting. 

Burr caught my shoulder as I walked in, “Alexander?” His tone held barely restrained worry. “I’m fine Aaron.” I lied sitting back down. The session ended earlier than usual on account of myself and Jefferson agreeing for a change. As soon as we were dismissed I excused myself wanting to prepare for tomorrow. I went to my office pulling the farewell letters to my friends and father figure. I had already mailed John’s and that for my friends in France making sure it would reach them with haste and Burr’s awaits him at the front desk of the hotel he was staying in during the summit. I left the letters for Jefferson, Madison and Washington on the desks in their offices. I walked back to my own office going to my bookshelf and pulling a hollowed encyclopedia from 1700. I pulled out the money I’d stashed away from Madeline and Micheal to help them return home to their mother and father on Nevis. The money was tied away with a knot only the native island people could untie and the rope is much to thick to cut. I smiled satisfied with my farewell and flagged down a carriage to take me home as I refuse to give the scathing senators the satisfaction. 

I arrive home long after my family has gone to bed and quietly slip upstairs to Philip’s room. I smile at my son whispering that he’ll blow everyone away someday before kissing his forehead watching him smile. I visited Angie next brushing her shirt from her face and kissing her forehead whispering that she will always be my precious flower princess. I tiptoe to Angelica’s room and sit beside her, “I know you won’t forgive me but know that I respect you so much for sacrificing your happiness for Eliza.” I smiled and kissed her cheek gently slipping to my bedroom last. I saw Eliza asleep her eyes red telling me she’s been crying. I gently stroke her cheek careful not to wake her up and whisper, “I don’t deserve you Eliza…I..I never felt that I earned your heart. Please take good care of yourself and the children. I wish I would have listened to your pleas Betsy. I love you.” I pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before slipping back to my study. I pulled the rope necklace from the closet standing on my chair to string it over the exposed eve and trying it off. I climbed down carefully picking up the farewell letters for my wife, sister-in-law and children before climbing back onto my chair pulling to rope around my neck. High ceilings…I never thought I’d be so grateful for them. I paused my feet at the edge of the chair. I laughed softly, “Why am I hesitating..?” 

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply feeling tears spring to my eyes as memories came flooding back: The bar where I met my friends on my first night in New York, humiliating Seabury and making the Brit cry while my friends cheered, pulling a prank on Burr while drunk and regretting it later, the accidental kiss that Laurens and I shared during the winter in Valley Forge due to me slipping on ice, becoming Washington’s right hand man, meeting Eliza at the ball in 1780…god we were both helpless, writing her letters and asking Peggy for advice also Laf and Hercules laughing at my flustered nature, marrying Eliza and then discovering she is pregnant, winning the war and meeting Philip, becoming Secretary of Treasury, Angie being born, Jefferson, Burr and I becoming a political quartet that shares lunch at a tiny diner…finding out what Jefferson does in Monticello…that was a fun trip…the engagement of my two best friends… their wedding will be grand I’m sure. 

I open my eyes tears running down my cheeks and see that it is getting light out wondering how long I was reminiscing. As the sun peaks over the horizon I smile the good memories warming my broken heart. I think of the good times for a short while longer my smile widening. I take a deep breath and quiet fills my mind for the first time in years. I hear the birds singing and whisper of the breeze outside. I take one last breath reveling in the serenity and then I let myself fall watching the world slowly fade away the letters still clenched in my fist. 

Third Person: 

Philip woke up when the sun filtered into his bedroom through the gap in the curtains; he swore he heard his father last night but his daddy is in DC for the summit why would he come home? The 10 year old slipped out of bed walking to check on his sister who was also awake. “I had a dream about daddy…” Angie yawned. “me too” Pip said. “Maybe daddy came home?” Angie said hopefully. “I miss him” Pip hugs his sister because he misses their daddy too. “Let’s check his study you know how mama feels about them sharing a bed.” Angie nods and they run to the study pushing the door open.

Angelica is woken with a start when a loud scream echoes from the study where her brother in law usually hides refusing to come out unless the house is asleep. She jumps out of bed hurrying down the hall tying her robe. She walks in looking at her niece and nephew, “What is all the fuss-” The words die when she looks up following the children’s horrified gazes. her brother in law hangs from the ceiling his neck broken at an odd angle a serene smile on his face and tears drying on his cheeks. “Oh dear G-GOD…” She pulls the children to her feeling them shaking and crying into her robe. She then notices the letters poking from his fist carefully pulling them out. She tears open the one addressed to her feeling tears sliding down her cheeks as she reads it

My dearest Angelica,

I cannot apologize enough not that it will repair the damage done but I want you to know this: I respect you so much for being a strong woman willing to sacrifice her happiness for her sister’s. Thank you for introducing me to Eliza all those years ago. Thank you for trying to reason with this stubborn fool and I deeply regret that our last months together were spent in pain. I hope that someday you will forgive me for being a fool and putting my work first. I always hated living off of others even though one summer would have done me no damage. I will always admire you Angelica, never forget your promise to make Jefferson include women in American rights. Stay strong and keep fighting. take care of Betsy and the kids for me. 

with love and regret A.Hamilton

She wept bitterly for never seeing how much pain he was in. She handed the letters addressed to Pip and Angie to them before shooing them back to their rooms. Using the chair she pulled him down from the noose and threw the wretched rope necklace across the room; she sat beside him her tears falling onto his cooling flesh. “Y-You are forgiven.” She walked out and sank against the wall her body shaking with sobs. Eliza finds her this way when she wakes up. “Angelica what ails you so early in the morning?” Eliza looks at her trembling sister concerned. “Oh B-Betsy….” Angelica sobs. “What is it?” Eliza asks so Angelica leads her inside the study watching her eyes go wide. “N-No he isn’t!” Angelica nods another sob escaping her as she shakily points to the knotted rope. “OH my GOD!” Eliza sinks to her knees beside her dead husband tears falling onto his face. “Here” Angelica hands her the golden sealed envelope fro the desk. They open it and what they find causes fresh tears to rush down their cheeks. Alexander left a copy of the original pamphlet, money for Pip to further his education and the sweetest letter of apology and farewell Eliza ever read. She grasped his cold hands, “ Alexander!” She wept resting her head on his chest realizing he had come to say goodbye last night, the kiss was not a dream. 

In France Hercules was in tears when Lafayette and his grandmother returned from the bakery. “Hercules what ails you mon chou?” he handed the letter to his fiance words escaping his grasp. Laf’s eyes widened, “N-non” Hercules nods showing him the money that had been enclosed for their wedding. “God why!” Laf sank to his knees sobbing Hercules joining him as they cried together.

In South Carolina John had just returned for the evening when a letter was pressed into his palm by his sister who was crying. he saw the seal wondering why she was so upset. “J-John that’s a death s-seal. It means the sender is going to commit suicide. M-my friend sent me a similar letter last year.” “D-death seal?” John tore open the letter a small sum of money falling onto his lap along with a locket. he stared at them before unfolding the letter with shaking hands. 

My dearest Laurens,

I wish the best in your adventure to recruit your regiment. I know you will do well and prove the worth of we people of color. I wish I could have kissed you farewell one last time like that once in Valley Forge. I enjoyed it too much and that feeling still lingers as I write this. I wish you a happy wedding with Martha Manning. She truly is perfect for you. I wish you good life and prosperity. I wish i had the courage to give you this locket sooner…and the money is for your men. The bells and whistles we jokingly discusses months ago. I bid thee adieu dearest.

With love and flourish A. Hamilton

Laurens wept as he opened the heart shaped locket finding a small music box inside that played his favorite tune. It was engraved ‘ To my dearest John’ 

“He’ll be here he’s j-just…” Jefferson’s voice cracked. “He’s gone Thomas. I know Alexander would not do this if he were not serious.” Burr said tears sliding down his cheeks. “J-Jesus Christ…” Madison sunk onto the couch trembling Thomas falling beside him as the trio wept. 

Washington re-read the letter from Alexander several times until tears blocked his vision, “Why…son…you…you had so much left you could have done…” 

The next day the original pamphlet appeared on every doorstep across America along with the news that the Secretary of Treasury had committed suicide early the previous morning. The nation was silent as the people realized that the poor man never deserved the harsh treatment. The Reynolds were arrested and jailed for life and the senators had oddly vanished. Madeline and Micheal wept the hardest realizing they could finally go home but it felt hollow because the man who gave them the chance was not here to be thanked. The nation mourned the loss of Alexander Hamilton. The one man that proved beyond the shadow of doubt that even orphan immigrants can make a difference.


	2. Whirlwind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette enters a world of pain

**angst request by the-last-refrain: Laf getting hurt.**

**I think of being hurt in two ways: Physical pain like being shot and emotional/psychological pain like heartbreak, death in the family etc. So buckle up and prepare yourselves.**

**NOTE: This takes place leading up to Lauren’s Interlude  meaning during the French Revolution and of course after John dies. Also take note there is hints of Laferson but it is not serious.**  
**\--Ships are Lams (platonic), Mulette, Hamliza and Jeffmads.**  
**\--They will switch back and forth between English and French and the translations are in parenthesis.**

**\--Lots of swearing and slight OOC for several characters I guess?)**

**Let’s begin**.

Lafayette knew it began shortly after he returned to France with the story of America’s success of defeating the British and gaining their freedom; he supposed Jefferson leaving promptly after drafting a declaration was another hint.  

French peasants flocked to the bars talking about revolting. “If the Americans can do it so can we! Down with the king!” “No more tyranny!” “We will not be oppressed again!” Lafayette smiled at first and said he’d talk to Jefferson who’d written the American Declaration of Independence to write one for them. So he did. “Come on in I figured I’d be meeting you eventually.” Thomas said letting the revolutionary into his flat. “Very nice place you ‘ave here.” Laf said awkwardly. “None of this awkward shit. You want a declaration? Let’s write one.” Thomas said handing Laf a glass of red wine.

Two hours and a bottle of wine later it was half done. “Let’s take a break and eat hm?” Laf nodded stretching his back. “You know this will end badly…you have no force to fight the king.” Laf wasn’t offended, “Oui” “Then why bother? You have a death wish?” Thomas asked leaning back in his chair. “Non…I want the people to feel empowered.” Lafayette replied swirling his wine slowly. “Fair enough. If it goes to hell you could always return to the states with me?” “Oho that sounds like an invitation for intimacy.” Thomas blushed, “We j-just met!” he spluttered. Lafayette laughed, “What’s so funny!” Thomas hissed his face red. “I apologize I should not ‘ave teased you.” Lay said between laughs. Thomas huffed trying his best not to smile. “I should go home though.” Laf said quietly. Thomas stops him, “It’s late and we’re both drunk. You might as well stay the night. I have a guest room you can sleep in.” Laf smiled, “But I’ll be lonely~” Thomas turned scarlet once again, “Sweet Jesus  we just met damn it!!” He yelled but he was smiling. So began a close friendship that would lead to the first real pain Laf had felt since he left America in 1781. 

Three months had passed since he met Thomas and he felt like he’d gained a twin. They often dressed similar to confuse people. Fake Lafayette as Thomas was known as. “Which one is the REAL one?!” Micheal shouted as they sat in a bar. “I am.” They both replied causing more confusion. “MON DIEU!” Micheal yelled tipping his drink over causing the bar to erupt with laughter. “Okay okay Mike I am the real Gilbert.” Micheal stared at him in drunken stupor. “Gil?” Thomas bit back a laugh, “Oui mon ami.” Laf was struggling hard not to fall out of his chair. “Why do you do this to me?” Micheal slurred. “I have a look alike it seemed appropriate?” Thomas replied. “I’d probably do it to me too…” Micheal slurred slapping money on the counter before stumbling outside. “Oh my GOD!” Laf fell out of his chair in hysterics. “He is gonna be pissed when he figures out I lied.” Thomas chuckled paying the tab as the two walked outside. Two weeks later the declaration was finished and the duo watched in horror as the revolt began. Blood in the gutters, beheading…Laf felt sick. “This is not what I had in mind…at ALL.” he walked to Thomas’s flat to find it empty and a note,

_**I’m heading home to Virginia. My invitation still stands. I’m sorry I can’t stay here and watch them behead children…**_  
_**-Thomas**_

Laf felt like he’d been shot…his friend was leaving him to deal with the crazed people alone?! he ran to the dock seeing the ship calling for the final boarding. “Come on Gilbert it’s gone to hell!” Thomas shouted from the deck. Gilbert tried to get onto the ship but the plank was pulled from under him sending him into the water, “French scum stays in France, we don’t need another war!” The American deck hand shouted. Gilbert broke the surface coughing watching the ship pull away. “I’ll get the president to send aid!” Thomas shouted. “I’m sorry!” Gilbert was left alone to climb out of the frigid water watching the ship shrink on the horizon. Three weeks after Thomas left the king was beheaded. 

Lafayette was hiding from the soldiers and rebelling peasants. He limped hissing when he fell on his injured leg. He’d been stabbed in the leg thankful it was a shallowly wound but he had no time to properly treat it. “Dieu ça fait mal comme l'enfer…” **(God this hurts like hell)** Laf hissed as he limped away from Micheal. “Reviens-toi et te combattes-tu lâche!” **(Come back and fight you coward!)** The popper shouted chasing after Lafayette who swore in French, “Merde!” he limped toward an untouched building slipping inside and locking the door.

He immediately slid to the floor his injured leg throbbing. He trembled pressing his hands over the wound to slow the bleeding tears forming in his eyes. “M-merde…” Laf sighed shakily; he grabbed towel and tied it around the cut limping to find the medicine cabinet in the house. Upon finding it he realized…this was Thomas’s flat. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he washed out his cut and treated it. Once his leg was tended to he slide down against the wall crying into his knees. “Pourquoi tu m'as laissé Thomas …?” **(Why did you leave me Thomas?)**  Lafayette flinched hearing gunfire outside and shouting of both soldiers and civilians. He curled up into a tighter ball ignoring the pain it caused him. This was not America where he had confidence to fight tyranny. The king is dead. The soldiers and civilians are killing each other in brutal ways. They need help. Laf crawled to the bedroom and curled up on the cot scrunching into the corner. “J'ai peur … s'il vous plaît … dépêchez-vous et envoyez de l'aide …” **( I’m afraid … please … hurry and send some help …)**

In America Thomas was livid at Washington so easily taking Hamilton’s side leaving France to suffer the failing revolution alone. “Did you forget Lafayette?!” he spat at Hamilton. “What?” Hamilton asked rubbing his temples tiredly. “I mean you accumulate debt and power but when France needs us you just leave them to suffer?!” Thomas stepped close to Hamilton towering over the smaller man. “Like Washington said the people are rebelling. We had a plan. The French did not! Their king is dead Thomas. Lafayette is smart he’ll be fine and before he was your friend he was mine.” Thomas quite literally picked up Hamilton and said, “And what if he dies huh? What then smart ass? He’s still your friend! He needs your help! You think anyone is gonna give a rat’s ass about his status? They’d sooner kill him.” Hamilton paled at the thought but stood his ground, “I can’t disobey a direct order from Washington.” Thomas glared shaking him, “So what our friend dies in the riots?!” Hamilton struggled a bit frightened. “I can’t do anything! I have to write the bill….” Thomas threw him down towering over him once again, “You are a horrible friend to him then. France helped us and we promised them aid yet you’d rather hide like a coward and watch your  friend die?!” Hamilton trembled frightened, “Please stop T-Thomas…” His voice cracked in fear. “You have damned your friend, congratulations.” Thomas spat spinning on his heel leaving Hamilton there trembling not seeing the tears in his eyes. 

Thomas walked into the office he and Madison shared plopping behind his desk with a shaky sigh. “T-Thomas?” Madison said quietly. “I have to tell Lafayette he’s on his own. I really don’t want to do that James…” Thomas put his head in his hands staring at Lafayette’s letter which has both tear and blood stains on the parchment. The jumbled French begged for aid and expressed fear. “J'ai peur … s'il vous plaît envoyez de l'aide Thomas … c'est parti en enfer” ( **I’m scared…please send help Thomas…it’s gone to hell)** Thomas carefully set the letter aside feeling tears burn in his eyes realizing that no amount of verbal abuse can change what Hamilton has to do. 

A knock came on the door leaving James to look at Thomas who nodded, “Come in…” James called coughing after.  The door opened… speak of the devil. Hamilton looked a mess his face tear stained and eyes full of distress. “S-Sir…” He stammered. “Sit down” Thomas sighed. “I d-don’t like it either!” Hamilton said a few fresh tears escaping down his cheeks. “I…I’ve damned our friend….” Thomas felt bad having been so harsh seeing Hamilton so upset. “I wanted Washington to help..I…made it worse instead..” Hamilton gave a soft sob. “Me and my big mouth…” Thomas stood and walked around his desk to Hamilton his political enemy  crouching to his level. He didn’t give a damn if James saw or Burr walked in; he wrapped his arms around Hamilton pulling him into a hug. The young man flinched startled at the out of character gesture but quickly relaxed into it crying softly into Thomas’s shoulder. Thomas rubbed his back trying to calm him down so they could talk; James came over and awkwardly patted Hamilton’s arm not sure what to do. Thomas was crying too not wanting to cause Lafayette more pain.

Hamilton settled down after ten minutes of soft sobs; he settled on the small couch Thomas sitting beside him, “We’re both a  mess aren’t we?” Hamilton rubs the tears from his cheeks with his handkerchief.  “I s-suppose we are…” He agreed Thomas finding his stutter strange. “I don’t want to break my word either…I promised him we’d be there for him at Yorktown…” Thomas raised a brow, “That long ago? Jesus we’re both fucked…” Hamilton nods rubbing away the fresh tears as they fell. “There is no way out of neutrality is there?” James asked. “No…Washington expects the statement by Monday morning…” Hamilton replied his voice full of guilt and sorrow. Thomas sighed shakily, “I should probably reply to Lafayette then…” Hamilton nods sadly getting up, “S-sorry…” He bowed his head and left the office tears dripping off his chin. Thomas sat back down and wrote a response to Lafayette sending it off the same day. 

**_I regret to inform you that the president has decided to remain neutral in this affair. No aid will be coming from my side of the sea.. you are on your own despite the promise of aid in Yorktown. I did everything I could but nothing swayed Washington’s decision not even Alexander himself. We both tried to convince him to allow us to come and rescue you but he stated that we are forbidden from doing so as members of his cabinet. I…I am in tears writing this Gilbert…I didn’t want to write this…please stay alive…please stay strong…we all miss you…please make it to the next boat out…I’m so sorry Gilbert.._**  
**_-Yours Thomas Jefferson_**

Lafayette saw the obvious tear stains on the parchment and let loose a sob as those words echoed in his head;  America had broken their word to help France yet he couldn’t be angry at Alexander and Thomas. He could see how upset the decision made them; Alex’s letter was even harder to read due to the smudged ink caused by Alexander’s tears. It was many apologies and regret and sorrow.

The letters fell from his grasp onto the floor as he cried his heart breaking. No one was coming to save him; he was completely on his own against the masses. he lay there on the floor wrapped in the sheets his leg throbbing adding more pain to the whirlwind of emotions he’s feeling. Betrayal, terror, pain, sorrow, regret…the list went on. Each gunshot made his heart skip a beat and with each bang on the door his heart nearly stopped. He barely moved unless he needed to eat or change the dressing on his wound. 

Back across the sea both Thomas and Alexander were stressed to the highest degree having heard nothing since they replied to Lafayette. The two sat in Jefferson’s office Hamilton watching Thomas pace in a frantic state. “I can’t stand this!” Thomas cried exasperated and stressed. “We need to tell Hercules…” Alexander said quietly. “What?’ Thomas asked ceasing his pacing for but a moment. “I said we need to tell Hercules. John is in South Carolina or I’d send him after Laf.” Thomas looked perplexed. “But why Mulligan?” Alexander’s cheeks colored and he looked shocked, “Laf never told you?” “No?” Thomas replied so Alexander leaned up and whispered the truth in his ear, “Whaaaaat? I never would have guessed-” Alexander chuckled, “No one guessed that ils sont amoureux.” **(they are in love)**

At that moment Madison walked into the office fresh from a meeting looking stressed as the duo still felt despite the topic change. He coughed a bit rubbing his temples a frown marring his features. “Embrasse-le Thomas.” **(Kiss him Thomas).** Thomas blinked, “Embrasse-le, comment savez-vous?” **(Kiss him...how did you know?!).** Thomas replied. Alex smiled, “Vous vous inquiétez toujours de lui plus que tout le monde. Je pourrais vous avoir vu deux personnes endormies sur le canapé quand j'ai déposé des documents la semaine dernière. Je vous ai couvert avec une couverture.” ( **You always worry about him more than anyone else. I may have seen you two asleep on the couch when I dropped off documents last week. I covered you with a  blanket)** Thomas sighed running his fingers through his thick curls a blush on his cheeks looking back at Alexander, “Mais pourquoi l'embrasser?” ( **But why kiss him?)** Alexander smiled, “Eliza does that when I get stressed. I immediately forget my troubles.” Thomas looked at Madison who looked very unhappy his shoulders tense. 

“Ah what the hell.” Thomas walked over to James who looked up glancing at Hamilton who gave a slight nod, “Thomas?” James asked covering his mouth as another cough escaped him. Thomas pulled James closer causing the smaller man to blush, “E-er?” he squeaked. “Shush” Thomas pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s feeling him relax in his grip.

He pulled away, “T-Thomas!” James squeaked his face scarlet. “Hush” Thomas led James to the couch and they sat down. “So we get Mulligan and?” he asks wrapping his arm around James who hid his red face in Thomas’s coat.”Then all hell breaks loose. Hercules is extremely protective of Laf and when he hears that we received no reply…well…you can imagine.” Thomas shuddered having heard stories about Mulligan’s fighting tactics. 

They agreed to get Mulligan and returned to idle chit chat, “So aside from that kiss it’s obvious?” Alex nods. “I have no issue with homosexuality if you two are happy gender be damned.” James blinked, “You told him to kiss me though?” He asked his cheeks still rosy. “It works to calm me down I figured it might be worth a try?” Alex chuckled. James snuggled closer to Thomas and smiles shyly. “It does work.” he admits. Alexander sat up straight looking at the door, “Someone is coming.” James moved away from Thomas as Burr walked in. “By all means carry on cuddling I couldn’t care less.”

Burr waved his hand. “I am assuming you told Thomas to get Mulligan Alexander?” Alexander nods. “Bout time you did.” Alex rolled his eyes at Burr who smiled returning said gesture. “Why do we all hate each other in Congress again?” James said. “Because politics.” Alexander replied. Everyone began to laugh because it was true. “I’ll tell Hercules after the meeting in which we all must hate each other again.” Alexander said still chuckling. 

“Fuck you  politics.” Thomas laughed. James gave soft chuckles as well and they agreed to not kill each other outside the meetings not that it was hard choice. “See you in the meeting.” Alexander said standing up. “Indeed” James said. “Fight me Hamilton.” Thomas replied. “Gladly” Hamilton retorted before leaving the office.

Needless to say Hercules reacted the way Alexander knew he would; he was upset and his over protective mode kicked in. “I’ll bring him back Alex. You can count on me!” Alex smiled, “I know I can. God speed.” Hercules nods and boarded the ship to France. “I’m coming Laf.” he murmured as the ship sailed from New York.  In Thomas’s flat Laf was running out of food and medical supplies. His sheet was being used for bandages. His voice was practically gone and his hair was a tangled mess. Moving hurt after an explosion threw him against the wall so he cried feeling abandoned.

Another two weeks passed in this matter and Laf had given up hope ready to embrace death; at least he’d die in the quiet of his friend’s flat.

Suddenly a heavy force hit the locked door of the flat making Laf’s heart leap into his throat a whimper escaping him. “Damn lock…” A gruff voice hissed before the same force hit the door again and again. “Fuck this.” BANG! The gunshot echoed in Laf’s ears along with the lock hitting the ground. Footsteps approached the room leaving Laf to curl into a ball whimpering in pain trying to hide. “Laf? Laf- oh sweet JESUS!” Hercules Mulligan gasped in horror at the bad shape his lover is in. He carefully walked to Laf who curled up further into the corner whimpering. “Gilbert it’s me…the demidork.” Laf blinked daring to turn his head; immediately his eyes widened seeing his lover. “H-herc…” He wheezed. “I’m here amour shhh.” Hercules picked him up careful of his leg and carried him from the house avoiding the angry soldiers and people. “It went to hell all right…” He mumbled holding his lover close to his chest and running for the ship that was due to leave in an hour not daring to stay longer. Laf blacked out half way there breathing shallowly. 

When he woke he was in Hercules’s arms a cool cloth on his head and he hurt all over. “H-Herc?” He said weakly gripping his lover’s sleeve to get his attention. Herc looked down at him, “How do you feel?” he asked him. “Everything hurts.” Laf moaned softly. “You were thrown against a wall.” Hercules dead panned before placing a kiss on his head, “But I’m glad you’re okay…if…anything happened to you I’d…” Hercules choked up tears rolling down his cheeks; Laf reached up and shakily wiped them away. “Don’t cry I’m right here.” Hercules nuzzled into his hand wrapping his larger one around his lover’s. “Y-you know I’m a sap.” Laf laughed weakly the sound foreign to his own ears, “I know and I love it.” Herc gave him a gently kiss snuggling contentedly with his injured lover.     
Laf sighed softly leaning against his chest noticing his hair was no long tangled. “Many combs died.” Herc said dramatically drawing another raspy laugh from his lover. “I expected no less.” Herc smiled and kissed him again pulling away and running his finger through Laf’s curly hair. “Mmm” Laf hummed soothed by the gesture closing his eyes. Hercules covered them both with the quilt he’d packed. He closed his eyes soothed by the rocking of the ship falling asleep quickly. They’d be home in a week and then they could all grab a drink with John and hear his story of how he recruited the first black regiment from his home state of South Carolina. Little did the two know that the pain awaiting them when they returned.

 A week later the ship docked in New York City jostling Hercules awake; Laf was still asleep so Herc stood up shouldering his bag before picking up his lover. he walked off the ship into the streets Laf in his arms. Most people were against a same-sex relationship but did nothing to stop Herc from being with Laf; the support of his friends was all that mattered to Hercules anyway. Half way to Hamilton’s home Laf woke up, “Have you been carrying me since we arrived?” He asked his face turning red. “You needed to sleep.” Hercules kissed his head putting the Frenchman down. “Let’s go hear the story of John making history eh?” Laf nodded and they continued to walk Laf having a slight limp. When they arrived to Hamilton’s  home Herc knocked on the door. After a moment shuffling was heard and the door opened revealing Philip Alex’s son. Instead of being excited the child looked sad; he opened the door for them to come in calling for his mother.

The duo walked inside seeing Angelica who walked to Laf hugging him, “Thank god.” He hugged back and Herc jokingly said, “Your welcome.” Angelica for once didn’t smile at the joke; Eliza came in her face tear stained but hugged them both. “Has Burr done something?” Lafayette asked being out of touch with what happened while he was trapped in France. “He became a senator.” Philip said quietly gripping his mother’s hand looking ready to cry. “Mamma I’m going to find Theo…” Pip said and Eliza nods letting him go. Pip left the room tears starting to slide down his cheeks. 

“I’ll go get Alexander.” Eliza excused herself and went upstairs as Burr walked in his own cheeks wet from tears. “Now I’m worried…what happened while we were at sea?” Lafayette asked sitting down to rest his still healing leg. “Where’s John?” No one said a word but tears fell silently down their faces.When the remaining couple came downstairs they decided Alexander looked the worse of all his hair frizzy, beard unshaven and his face tear stained. “Seriously what the heck happened? Why is everyone upset?” Hercules asked confused. Eliza said nothing but handed the couple a letter pressing her face in her husband’s shoulder giving soft sobs. Alexander rubbed her shoulders crying himself. “I’ll go find the kids…” Burr walked back  in the direction Philip had gone covering his mouth as tears went down his cheeks. The two stared at the fact that the letter was from John’s father Henry Laurens; Hercules carefully unfolded the letter reading it silently hearing Angelica give a soft sob. 

“ _On Tuesday the 27th, my son was killed in a gunfight against British troops retreating from South Carolina. The war was already over. As you know, John dreamed of emancipating and recruiting 3000 men for the first all-black military regiment. His dream of freedom for these men dies with him.”_

The paper fell from his grasp landing on the floor his eyes wide with shock; John was…he was..! “No…” he whispered. “He can’t be…” They all nodded quietly Eliza trembling in her husband’s arms. “The funeral is in two weeks.” Angelica said before wrapping them both in a hug, “I was so scared we’d have to bury another friend.” Laf hugged her back feeling her crying into his shoulder. “Non..Hercules found me…” Here nodded hugging her as well feeling tears burning in his eyes; he saved his love and returns to find his friend was wrongly killed. Laf started to cry as well; it seemed there was no end to the whirlwind of pain. He was saved from one painful situation only to be thrust into another; it was too much for his poor heart. Burr came back with the children who were still crying holding hands and it was normally the cutest thing but now it was painful. The children climbed onto the chair hugging Hercules who hugged them back crying himself. “He was so young…” Laf sniffled. After another hour Eliza and Angelia made supper which was a silent affair; after supper Burr left with Theodosia. Alexander invited the returned couple a place to stay till the funeral which the graciously accepted; two weeks later they stood in Mercy-View Cemetary crying as the priest said his blessings and prayers for the deceased.  They all placed flowers around John each having a separate meaning. Roses for courage and passion, Peony for nobility and value, Water Lilies for majesty, Dalia for his proud love for his dreams that held no compromise and daisies for his pure soul.

The coffin was closed and slowly descended into the ground a few more flowers thrown into the grave before A few men began to shovel dirt over it. They left once the stone was placed; the men went to get  drink but ended up crying because….without John it felt empty. Hercules with a shaking voice said "Raise a g-glass to freedom?” The others raised their glasses along with the bartender who had been good friends with John. “Tomorrow there will be more of us…” Alexander added and they took the shorts. “He never did finish three pints…” They all laughed sadly but it was a fond memeory. Burr spoke up, “He would not want us to mourn…” “No that he would not…” Lafayette agreed. “So let’s celebrate the life of John Laurens and the good times we shared!” So they did each man attempting to down three pints in his honor and boy did they fail miserably having little tolerance for alcohol . In the end while it hurt to lose a friend they all knew that he was smiling down on them. 

Lafayette was the last out of the bar and as he left he heard a whisper, “Raise a glass to freedom? You guys were always light weights.” He turned to see his friend shaking his head laughing, “J-John?” He whispered nearly eyed, “Aw come one Laf don’t cry…” John hugged him his ghostly hands feeling oddly warm, “You’re not drunk enough to imagine me I’m sorta here..” Laf was crying but hugged back, “Live for me will you? See that they abolish slavery?” Laf nodded. “Hey who knows I might be reborn?” Laf smiled, “As a shot glass?” John gave a hearty laugh, “Pffft as if Laf!” “I’ll see you on the other side? Just do me a favor and take your time.” Laf nodded and despite John being gone… it would be enough. 


	3. Early Morning Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and it went wrong

short one shot. I will let you take the events as you will.  art is my own 

Gunfire echoed through the trees as Lafayette and Hamilton struggled to drive the redcoats back. Early in the morning before dawn had broken Hamilton had gone to refill the canteens to keep himself from being seen by the enemy soldiers that lingered in the woods. Had he not been there the small battalion of Redcoats would have lay waste to the camp. The attack was sudden and left no time for strategy. A loud BANG echoed through the woods as dawn broke. The redcoats had brought out a small cannon and opened fire on the small battalion. Lafayette and the other soldiers barely escaped being hit by the first round the canon leaving deep divots in the ground showering the soldiers with damp earth. The cannon was fired three more times after leaving their ears ringing and a light coat of dirt on their uniforms. Lafayette ordered his men to open fire while the redcoats were distracted. The soldiers opened fire prompting the redcoats to return fire. 10 soldiers fell on each side before Lafayette shot the Colonel between the eyes killing him instantly. The man fell with a thud blood pooling around his head. Panic rippled through the British ranks and they turned grabbing the Colonel's body before beginning a swift retreat into the woods. Lafayette ordered his men to cease fire seeing as the redcoats were going out of the rang of their muskets. He saw the spark of a fuse being lit and turned to warn Hamilton but his voice was drowned out by the loud BOOM of the canon firing. The canon ball left a divot in the earth showering what was left of Lafayette';s battalion with fresh dirt.

When the smoke cleared the redcoats were out of sight; the relief that the battle ended was short lived when Lafayette realized Hamilton was no where in sight. He turned his head in every direction but the short man was no where to be seen; he panicked. He feared Hamilton might be dead or worse captured by the redcoats. "S-Sir what are your orders?" A soldier asked momentarily snapping Lafayette out of his panicked stupor. He cleared his throat, "Return to camp. Tend to the wounded, record the dead and report to the General about this unexpected battle." The soldiers gathered waiting for Lafayette to lead them back, "You have your orders men, I need to find our aid-de-camp." "But sir the redcoats-!" Lafayette loved that his men care for his safety but he needs to find Hamilton. "You 'ave your orders now go men.go." The soldiers reluctantly turned beginning the 5 mile walk back to camp the dead on their shoulders and the wounded leaning against each other. Lafayette quickly turned his horse spurring it to gallop into the trees. 

The entire camp itself was tense having woken at dawn to hear canon fire in the distance. Lafayette was gone along with Hamilton and the canteens. Hours after the sun had risen Lafayette's men appeared on the horizon carrying the dead and the canteens. John Laurens watched the tired and injured men shuffle into the camp; he waited to see his friends but neither appeared among the soldiers. Fear rose in his chest and he approached a soldier that was dropping of a dead man to be buried. "W-Was Hamilton with you?" He cursed his stutter and the soldier looked at him sadly, "...we honestly don't know where he is...a canon went off last second. When the smoke cleared he was no where to be seen, sir." Laurens felt his heart drop but continued, "A-and Lafayette?" The soldier shook his head, "He said he was going to find Hamilton, sir. We warned him against going into enemy territory after killing a Colonel..." Laurens thanked him and hurried off to find Hercules; he found him in the tent he shared with Gilbert. "John...wait what's wrong you're shaking...?" John sank onto the cot covering his mouth with his hand tears in his eyes, "Man you're really freaking me out...what happened?!" Hercules asked moving to sit beside him. "A-Alexander...he went missing during the fight...oh god Herc what if he's dead or the redcoats got him!" John began to sob. Hercules pulled him into a hug shaking himself, "D-don't say that man...You know Alex can hold his own." John trembled more. "Wait where's Gilbert?" "He w-went to find Alex...the soldier said he killed the Colonel leading the redcoats." Hercules swallowed his own rising panic focusing on John who didn't take bad news well especially news involving Alexander. 

"They'll be fine..Laf is smart...he'll.. he'll bring Alex back..." Hercules said firmly trying to convince himself it was true along with his trembling companion. It would be almost two weeks before Lafayette returned. 


	4. Early Morning Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> battle before dawn

short one shot. I will let you take the events as you will.  art is my own 

Gunfire echoed through the trees as Lafayette and Hamilton struggled to drive the redcoats back. Early in the morning before dawn had broken Hamilton had gone to refill the canteens to keep himself from being seen by the enemy soldiers that lingered in the woods. Had he not been there the small battalion of Redcoats would have lay waste to the camp. The attack was sudden and left no time for strategy. A loud BANG echoed through the woods as dawn broke. The redcoats had brought out a small cannon and opened fire on the small battalion. Lafayette and the other soldiers barely escaped being hit by the first round the canon leaving deep divots in the ground showering the soldiers with damp earth. The cannon was fired three more times after leaving their ears ringing and a light coat of dirt on their uniforms. Lafayette ordered his men to open fire while the redcoats were distracted. The soldiers opened fire prompting the redcoats to return fire. 10 soldiers fell on each side before Lafayette shot the Colonel between the eyes killing him instantly. The man fell with a thud blood pooling around his head. Panic rippled through the British ranks and they turned grabbing the Colonel's body before beginning a swift retreat into the woods. Lafayette ordered his men to cease fire seeing as the redcoats were going out of the rang of their muskets. He saw the spark of a fuse being lit and turned to warn Hamilton but his voice was drowned out by the loud BOOM of the canon firing. The canon ball left a divot in the earth showering what was left of Lafayette';s battalion with fresh dirt.

When the smoke cleared the redcoats were out of sight; the relief that the battle ended was short lived when Lafayette realized Hamilton was no where in sight. He turned his head in every direction but the short man was no where to be seen; he panicked. He feared Hamilton might be dead or worse captured by the redcoats. "S-Sir what are your orders?" A soldier asked momentarily snapping Lafayette out of his panicked stupor. He cleared his throat, "Return to camp. Tend to the wounded, record the dead and report to the General about this unexpected battle." The soldiers gathered waiting for Lafayette to lead them back, "You have your orders men, I need to find our aid-de-camp." "But sir the redcoats-!" Lafayette loved that his men care for his safety but he needs to find Hamilton. "You 'ave your orders now go men.go." The soldiers reluctantly turned beginning the 5 mile walk back to camp the dead on their shoulders and the wounded leaning against each other. Lafayette quickly turned his horse spurring it to gallop into the trees. 

The entire camp itself was tense having woken at dawn to hear canon fire in the distance. Lafayette was gone along with Hamilton and the canteens. Hours after the sun had risen Lafayette's men appeared on the horizon carrying the dead and the canteens. John Laurens watched the tired and injured men shuffle into the camp; he waited to see his friends but neither appeared among the soldiers. Fear rose in his chest and he approached a soldier that was dropping of a dead man to be buried. "W-Was Hamilton with you?" He cursed his stutter and the soldier looked at him sadly, "...we honestly don't know where he is...a canon went off last second. When the smoke cleared he was no where to be seen, sir." Laurens felt his heart drop but continued, "A-and Lafayette?" The soldier shook his head, "He said he was going to find Hamilton, sir. We warned him against going into enemy territory after killing a Colonel..." Laurens thanked him and hurried off to find Hercules; he found him in the tent he shared with Gilbert. "John...wait what's wrong you're shaking...?" John sank onto the cot covering his mouth with his hand tears in his eyes, "Man you're really freaking me out...what happened?!" Hercules asked moving to sit beside him. "A-Alexander...he went missing during the fight...oh god Herc what if he's dead or the redcoats got him!" John began to sob. Hercules pulled him into a hug shaking himself, "D-don't say that man...You know Alex can hold his own." John trembled more. "Wait where's Gilbert?" "He w-went to find Alex...the soldier said he killed the Colonel leading the redcoats." Hercules swallowed his own rising panic focusing on John who didn't take bad news well especially news involving Alexander. 

"They'll be fine..Laf is smart...he'll.. he'll bring Alex back..." Hercules said firmly trying to convince himself it was true along with his trembling companion. It would be almost two weeks before Lafayette returned. 


	5. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander is terrified of storms but John is there to help him through it. Set in 1778 using the historic figures.

This is set during the Revolutionary War in 1778. Please excuse me if I cannot write the language of this era perfect

Head canon that Alexander is terrified of storms and if left unchecked will actually start to see the people that died during the hurricane. 

 

Alexander sat at the writing desk in he and Laurens's shared tent scribbling away furiously with his quill. The report was due by dawn the next day and Washington made it clear that it was extremely important that he finish it. He was halfway done when it started to pour. He ignored the rain completely...until BANG! Thunder crashed overhead. "I-it's nothing but a storm..." He muttered trying hard not to let the loud crashes get to him. The longer he worked the louder the storm got. BANG! CRASH! He looked up for a moment and saw the silhouettes of his brother and villagers. 'Why did you let us drown Alexander?' They cried. "I..could not..reach you..." Alexander stood up rubbing his eyes then they were directly before him. They yelled and howled about him letting them drown. "I...I..." He backed away tears burning in his eyes as the storm raged above. His legs hit the edge of the cot sending him tumbling onto the bed. "Stop...STOP! Y-you were trapped beneath rubble....I... could not reach you James..." Tears ran down his cheeks his hair askew from the tumble he took. 'YOU LET ME DIE!' James screeched at him. 

Across camp John and Lafayette were exiting the meal tent when thunder rolled overhead and it began to pour. "The canons!" John yelled as the wind picked up Lafayette swore in French running toward the men yelling orders to secure the heavy artillery. The wind drove a chill into John's bones as he rushed to help secure the canons his boots finding little purchase on the muddy ground; his hair was practically cemented to his flesh by the heavy rain. After 10 long minutes in the frigid rain the canons were secured so John headed back to his tent to change into dry clothing and curl up with Alexander to read before turning in. 

The shorter man will often tuck his head under John's chin as they read and John will run his fingers through Alexander's fair ginger hair said man sighing in delight. John smiles fondly hastening his pace but he was mindful not to slip on the flooded ground. He nods to the Marquis as he enters his own tent receiving a nod and tired smile in return. He wonders how Mulligan their spy disguised as a tailor is doing. He hears the man is an excellent source of information regarding the actions taken by the British. Personally he'd never met the man. 

John entered the tent expecting to be greeted by the sight of his lover writing; instead he saw a half finished report on the desk leaving John to wonder why Alexander would stop half way through his task. He shook his head removing his sopping coat and hanging it up before going to change into his warm dry nightclothes. He sighs in relief as he peels his shirt off both pairs of his breeches following suit then his stockings. After pulling on his night shirt and under breeches he wrung the water from the wet clothing hanging them to dry with the coat. 

He picked up the novel he started last week ready to curl up and read while Alexander finished his report the very thought easing his tension. All thoughts of a quiet evening cuddling with his lover dissipated when a shrill cry reached his ears. He went to the sleeping area and the sight that greeted him broke his heart. Alex sat in the furthest corner of the cot his knees drawn to his chest tears running down his cheeks his face pale as a sheet and shoulders shaking. John immediately set his book aside going to comfort his distressed lover; he climbed onto the cot sitting before the frightened man, "Alexander what ails you dearest?" 

Alex felt the bed dip and looked up his pupils shrinking upon seeing his cousin glaring at him with the others. 'Sodomy Alexander? You're disgusting! Caspio spat. 'It's not like he LOVES you!' Alex whimpers more tears falling from his wide hazel eyes. John took his hand squeezing it "Alexander?" He says gently a bit of panic making itself known when his lover drew away from his touch curling further in on himself. CRASH! BOOM! Alexander screamed clamping his hands over his ears mumbling things that broke John's heart further. "I...I am n-not good enough am I...nor w-worth his... t-time..." John hugged Alex feeling tears burning in his eyes. "It is not about worth dearest...I love you for who you are." 

'But does he really?' Caspio taunts as water continues to climb the canvas of the tent. 'You should have drowned with US!' Alex clutches the sleeves of his uniform coat tightly nearly tearing the faded fabric breathing unevenly his eyes glassy. "Alexander!" John said panicking a bit more when Alexander did not respond to the reassurance of his devotion to the ginger haired man. 'See now you've gone and irked him.' James's voice sounded warped as he mocked his terrified sibling. Alexander watched the walls close in the voices becoming warbled the water climbing ever higher. "I deserve this....for my sins....my failures..." He was drowning his eyes slipping shut.

John felt tears slide down his cheeks hearing Alex being so hard on himself knowing how hard he worked to get where he is. John took a shaky breath and grabbed his lover by the collar of his clothes pulling him forward, "I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than all the stars in the night sky. NEVER forget that." John connected their lips tears sliding faster down his cheeks feeling Alexander shaking.   
Alexander's eyes snap open and the world spins for a moment. He presses his lips back against the other set of slightly chapped lips feeling John's tongue wet his lips slightly. The demons of his past vanish being replaced by, "Laurens..?" 

John nearly wept with joy hearing Alex call to him. "I'm here Alex." Alexander clung to him connecting their lips a second time shaking in his lover's arms. John rubbed his back disconnecting their lips which now glistened with saliva. John rubs the tears from his eyes murmuring that he should change into his nightclothes; once changed he returns to their cot lying down with John behind him as the big spoon. 

Alexander turned to face him and tucked his head beneath John's chin listening to him read a section of the novel he'd started the week prior. Lightning flashed outside and Alex jumped digging his face further into John's chest shaking slightly his grip on John's nightshirt tightening.

John was drawn from the literary world when he felt tears dampening his nightshirt. He stopped reading and marked his place setting the book down. He gently brushed his fingers through Alexander's ginger locks whispering "Is it the thunder?" Alex shakes his head "It is the s-storm in general." John nods lifting Alex's chin seeing that he's crying. He brushes away the tears gently and rubs his cheeks startled when his lover begins to weep anew. 

"Alexander..." John says quietly his heart sinking. "Why are you weeping?" Alexander bows his head, "Because I have upset you dear Laurens." John shakes his head "You have done no such thing, however I was worried seeing you in such a frantic state." Alex looks up at him a soft sob escaping him "My sincerest apologies d-dear Laurens." John tips his chin up and gently kisses him, "You have no reason to be. We all have our fears." He says quietly once their lips part. "Why do I own the affections of your heart John? I...I have done little to earn it..." Was the reply. "Because you are unique and passionate. You stand by what you believe and prove you have what it takes to survive in this world." John replied continuing to run his fingers through Alexander's ginger locks. 

Alex's cheeks gained a rosy hue, "I have no response to that statement..." John laughed softly his eyes twinkling in the low candlelight. "Then say nothing and accept my affection." Alex feels tears run down his face. "I..I am not entirely certain why I am crying now...I cannot place the emotion I am feeling." John kissed his cheeks "Then do not think dearest just feel." Alex's cheeks darken and he takes a shaky breath nodding his head leaning against his lover's chest as John ran his fingers through his hair soothed by the familiar gesture. 

The storm which had quieted since John's return to the tent was picking up again the rain pelting the tent's sides and a loud clap of thunder echoes in the trees. John holds his love tighter to reassure him that he's safe. "Why do storms upset you dearest?" He asked him. "When I w-was 17 a hurricane hit Nevis the island where I come from. The town was destroyed and many p-people drowned. I...I lost my brother James to the flood waters however I never drowned. I...I feel like I wrongly cheated death...when I emerged from the shelter I hid under b-bodies were adrift everywhere. I have been terrified of storms ever s-since..." 

John frowns hearing that Alex feels he should have died. "I see. If I survived such a thing I would be frightened of storms as well, however never say you should have died. You lived for a reason and I am glad you did." Alex turns a dark shade of red flustered. "I am glad we met as well." He squeaks. "Perhaps I could distract you from the storm?" John suggested drawing a darker blush from his companion. "I want to John believe me. I..I am just not...in the mood..."

 

John nods in understanding and tightens his hold feeling Alexander start to shake again. "I see them...the dead people...they remind me I...do not deserve to be..." John silenced him with a kiss, "Never say you are unworthy of the happiness you found here." John kisses him again holding him close once their lips parted rubbing his back soothingly. "The shadows you see are nothing but the faded echoes of your past. Your past cannot hurt you unless you allow it to do so. The past shall stay in the past." 

"I...I wish it were that simple...." Alex whispered jumping when lightning flashed outside his eyes closing tightly a few tears escaping down his cheeks. "It n-never goes away John. I've t-tried leaving my past behind me...it always comes back!" John jumped when Alexander suddenly raised his voice. "I want to be rid of my demons John! I want them to leave me in peace!" Alex was trembling his eyes bordering on wild. 

"Alexander..." John sighed hating seeing his partner so riled up. "No John! You do not understand! You never will!" Alexander snapped John drawing back in shock. "I do understand. Why do you insist that I do not?" John asked warily. He just wants to turn in and cuddle with Alexander. 

"You have had it easy! Not in war but outside it!" Alex was not really aware of what line he was coming close to crossing with John and John looked hurt, "Because I'm a quaint white boy born into a rich family in the South?" John asked. "Yes!" John's eyes filled with tears his upbringing a sore subject on account of him being a disappointment to his father for multiple reasons mainly his sexuality and desire to liberate blacks. 

Alexander saw the tears in his lover's eyes and reached for him only to have his hand slapped away. "Is that all I am to you?! Maybe you're right in saying you do not deserve the affections of my heart!" 

John regretted those words the moment they left his mouth; Alexander looked like he'd been shot. 'See now look what you've done' The voices hissed. 'He does not love you! He detests you!' John froze hearing Alexander start to sob his body trembling an absolutely heartbroken expression on his face. "Alexander I..." John hates quarreling with him for this reason, they both say things they regret. "I d-don't know why I try..." Alexander turns and runs from the tent into the rain. "Alexander!" John yells after him but the man was already gone. 

John hugs himself feeling guilty for playing off Alexander's insecurities to win a petty argument that only started because both of them are tired and under high amounts of stress constantly. he knew one thing for certain: he cannot leave his lover to brave the storm alone. He pulled on his heavy coat and boots heading to find Alexander. 

Outside Alexander ran not having any destination in mind the rain pelting his skin as hot tears flowed down his cheeks. He finally lost his footing sending him tumbling onto the muddy ground the sting of landing on his bare knees making itself known. Alex sat up looking around and yelped when thunder crashed overhead reminding him why he should not be outside. He whimpers in fright wanting nothing more than to run back to the tent and jump into John's arms before he remembered what he'd said. ' You deserve this!' 'Die alone!' 'He does not love you!' 'You deserve to suffer!' 'TO DROWN LIKE US!!' 

Alex drew his knees to his chest weeping bitterly at how right they were. He ruined everything he touched. Anytime anything good happened his presence turned it sour. The thunder made his breaths short the panic returning . He sat beneath the dead tree he'd fallen under the rain soaking him to the bone not doing a thing to stop himself from catching hypothermia. He sat there freezing for a solid ten  
minutes jumping at every clap of thunder his heart racing and he felt he deserves this. 

John had been searching for his lover through the storm for the past hour becoming more and more frantic with each place he searched without success. Finally right as he was going to tell the general of the incident he spotted a man sitting under the Lightning Ash so named due to it being struck by lightning repeatedly during storms. He rushed over nearly falling as he reached the man. Alexander! I...I...was scared I had lost you for good..." Alex looked at him, "You would like that..." 

John frowned and picked him up bridal style draping a dry coat over him to shield him from the rain. "Hush" John walked back to their tent stepping inside and tying the flaps down before carefully setting Alexander on the spare cot. He removed the heavy coat and boots grabbing a dry rag to warm Alexander before he caught his death. 

A half hour later Alex was in warm dry clothes once again though he is still upset at himself. The silence is heavy with the two sitting across from each other not saying anything regretting what transpired earlier. Finally John spoke up looking upset, "Why did you run into the storm?! I was ready to tell the general that you disappeared! I was scared clean out of my mind!" 

Alexander flinched back, "I only cause you more stress...I am not worth that..." John slammed his hands atop the small table,"I get stressed because I love you! I worry because you matter more than anything in this world to me! I cannot lose you Alex...I love you too much..." Alex began to cry more, "But I am not worth your affections, worry or stress! I am a worthless..." "CALL YOURSELF A WORTHLESS WHORE-SON ONE MORE TIME!" John shouted and it was silent spare the howl of the wind. 

"I...I crossed the line earlier....I...I understand if you no longer desire my companionship but I am deeply sorry dear Laurens." John runs his fingers through his hair, "As am I...can we please not fight any more tonight?" Alexander nods turning to curl up on his cot, "Are you going to leave me by my lonesome tonight?" John ask saddened by the thought. 

"You desire my company after everything that transpired tonight?" Alexander asked. "You speak as though I am giving you the choice." Alexander nearly launched himself into his lover's arms kissing every inch of his face. "Kiss me properly Alexander." John purrs. "As you wish." They shared a kiss and their troubles melted away until BANG! Alexander whimpers pulling away from the tender kiss seeing the angry silhouettes appear with the flash of lightning. 

John pulled him close his back against John's chest. "They cannot hurt you Alexander." John says rubbing circles on his back. Alexander turned to face him tucking his head beneath John's chin. John sits up abruptly and leaves the cot going to the desk and picking up the candle. "J-John..." Alexander says. "I'm here dearest." John replies setting the candle down on the table putting his book away. 

He climbed back onto the cot blowing out the candle and wrapping his arms around Alexander. The sheet was tucked around them both the only sounds being Alex's faint whimpers when thunder sounded. John rubs his back, "Don't cry dearest I'll protect you from the storm." Alexander relaxes into his grasp the angry voices fading into the wind as John runs his fingers through his hair. 

"I love you John." He yawns smiling contentedly. John smiles at the man in his arms pressing a kiss to his temple. "I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than all the stars in the sky because the stars hold no light to sparkle in your eyes." Alex smiles back at him in the dark the storm fading into the background as he slowly falls asleep lulled by the sound of John's heartbeat. 

John holds him tighter for brief moment before closing his eyes and falling asleep himself. Curled up in the safety his lover's embrace Alexander did not wake until morning.

Needless to say the report was never finished but upon seeing the two men asleep when he came to inquire why the report was late Washington decided a few hours delay would be well worth it. 

 

In the eye of the Hurricane there is silence, for just a moment a yellow sky.


	6. Crimson Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John isn't ok

 

**Modern Lams** **and jamilton**

**ANGST INCOMING.**

**You Have Been**

**W A R N E D.**

**TW** : **Mention** **of** **depression** **,** **suicide** **, self harm.**

Crimson love dripped upon the floor as tears poured from his eyes. He listened to the other ramble on about his amazing night though the cheerful voice sounded a million away. He who has always been the shoulder that was cried on...he who has been there for his friend from the start. How fickle is the human heart? It falls hard and fast despite the warning that love is a trap. So many times he said to not go back to the man that caused so much pain and heartache but, what does he know? A lonely heart yearning for the love one who will never see the pain he causes. So onto the floor the love fell one crimson drop at a time the glint of silver in his hand as the call dragged on. "That's great. I'm glad you had f-fun." He choked out with a forced smile that the other person can't see through the phone pressed to his ear. "I'm fine. Y-yea just...tired...." _Tired of you hurting me. Why can't you see?! Why...are you blind to what you do to me?_ He thought watching the red drip down his freckled skin as tears mixed with the red on the floor making it pink.

"Heh hello there teapot I'm k-kettle." He tried to joke but, his forced laughter wasn't fooling anyone. "Did you just admit I'm right? What a world." He teased getting a huff of indignation and a soft chuckle that melted his heart all over again. "What do you mean? I'm not crying, what gave you that idea?" He replied panicking when he heard concern in the other's voice; as quickly as it came the concern faded. He continued to babble on about his date with the poofy haired man. A flash of silver and a splatter of red on tan skin. "R-r-really?" He heard a door open on the other end and another voice speak softly in a familiar southern drawl. The phone dropped and he heard a loud thud followed. "You still there?" He called out and heard the one thing that shattered his heart, "Yes! A million times yes!" He heard happy sobs and smiled a sad smile. His only hope of having a chance with his soul mate gone. He stared at the silver glinting in between his fingers as fresh tears fell from his eyes, "What's the point...?"

He stood on shaking legs leaving his mess behind the silver still between his fingers. He went to the drawer and pulled out the note he never gave to the man he'd fallen so hard for, that he'd comforted when he was hurt, that he stood by no matter what...that will **NEVER** love him back. He put the picture of he and his friend beside him and lifted the silver in his fingers, "There IS no point...." He attacked again more red falling onto the floor. This time there was no one to catch him and break his fall. He attacked again more red staining the floor as he cried. "Are you there? Hello?" The other man called. He cried harder knowing a ring now sits on the other man's finger. "Are you okay? Answer me please..." The other man begged sounding scared. He swung again more red splashing onto the floor. "This isn't f-funny! Say something!" "What's going on darlin?" "There's no point...." He mumbled his vision fuzzy as he continued to attack his freckled skin. he heard the sound of a door slamming shut and an engine. "N-no point...." He brought down the blade against his wrist crying out in pain. It was better this way...his friend was happy...that's all that mattered. His vision grew fuzzy as he shakily tried to attack his other wrist and failed the blade clattering to the floor. His vision grew dark around the edges as he lay the rapidly growing puddle of red that stained the floor. He coughs and smiles one last time listening as his heart slowly thuds like a bass drum. Soon the sound fades in his ears and his world goes black. His arm falls limp his red stained fingers touching the note he'd never passed along.

The door slams open a man standing looking panic stricken a phone clutched in his hand. He walks into the apartment looking for the person he'd been talking to. He twisted his new engagement ring nervously. Sure his fiance had hurt him in the past leading to him spending many nights here crying on his best friend's shoulder. They ate ice cream binge watching mean Girls and crying over the musical Heathers. For his friend to just cease responding without ending the call scared the crap out of him ever since he figured out his friend is FAR from okay. The further he went into the small apartment the heavier his heart felt. He reached the bedroom pushing the door open. "No... no...NO!" he rushed over to the limp man on the floor seeing the large puddle of blood and the razor. He checked for a pulse tears falling into the man's hair; he did not find one. He sat back on his knees shaking; he then noticed the note. He picked it up more tears falling as he read it,

_I love you so much it hurts. I smile and listen to you go on about your dates and smile though I break a little more inside each time. I broke each time you came to me in tears and when you returned to that man starting the cycle all over again. I wish I told you but, it was clear you didn't feel the same. I held onto the naive hope that you'd see through his act and choose me instead but, somehow I knew...I had no chance at all. I love you Alexander Hamilton, I'll see you on the other side._

The note fell to the floor the paper immediately turning red, "JOHN!"


	7. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets sick and Alex does not handle it well

**Set in 1777 during the winter at Valley Forge**

**A.B.O Verse (alpha, beta, omega)**

**Headcannon:  Alex hates seeing other** **people** **get sick** **and** **often has severe panic attacks afraid they will die like his mother did.**

**Alexander's POV:**

I sat at the writing desk in the commander's tent scribbling away  desperate to find a way to get more supplies from the local merchants. Congress writes demanding the general attack the British yet offer no assistance to the starving and freezing men. We have begun to slaughter and cook our horses for Christ's sake! I rub my temples tiredly feeling stressed.

I shivered as cold air seeped through the gap at the bottom of the tent my nose stinging slightly. The Pennsylvania winter is not something I am accustomed to having come from a topical island. The cramp in my hand made itself known but I continued writing anyhow. The rich bastards in Congress are likely sitting comfortably by a roaring fire making demands of the army like we are miracle workers.

Washington tells me the intel he received from Mulligan indicates that the British are suffering shortages as well so, in the least we are not the only ones to suffer.  I pull my coat tighter around my shoulders wishing for that roaring fire to sit by. I finish the letter folding it with shaking hands. "Not used to the cold are you Hamilton?" I turn my head seeing General Charles Lee a small smirk on his face. I sighed standing up, "I am just fine General." I walked past the beta toward the office of the house where Washington resides to deliver the  letter.

"Permission to enter your excellency?" I ask pausing outside the door to the office."Hamilton? Come in." I walked inside seeing Burr with Washington. I handed him the letter allowing him to read it through watching the general relax slightly as he did so. "Well said Hamilton, perhaps this time Congress will receive the message." Washington said giving me a gentle pat on the shoulder. I smile tiredly at the older alpha.

"Here's to hoping." I agreed shivering slightly. "Go back to your quarters and warm up son." Washinton said dismissing me with a short wave of his hand. I bow my head respectfully before heading back to the house myself and John share. I exit the command building drawing my collar up against the biting wind. I hurry over to the house wondering why John was absent from command today; my alphean mate is rarely absent from work. Shrugging I push the door of our quarters open quickly shutting it once I am inside. I remove my boots and coat by the door.

I walked further into the house, "John?" I called seeing his boots by the door and smelling his scent throughout the house. I see his reports filed neatly on the desk and a fire crackles in the fireplace. I add another log to the fire before going to check the bedrooms. I call for him getting no response until I reached the bedroom we share. I push the door open, "John are you asleep?" I said quietly seeing the lump beneath the quilt. "A-Alexander? Is that.." He pauses and sneezed. "You?" I nod going over to the bed. My alphean mate lay nestled under the quilt his cheeks flushed a rosy red. "John are you all r-right?" I asked stuttering slightly. John sat up, "F-fine I just caught..." Achoo! "...a cold."  He looks up at me sniffling a little. I press a kiss to his forehead feeling a burning fever under my lips.  _My dearest John is sick. He has a fever..._  I thought. "Alex?" John calls to me. _He could die...I cannot lose him....please_ _Lord...I cannot lose another person I love..._

**John's POV:**

I heard Alex calling for me and shifted a bit waiting for him to come to our bedroom. I have my own room of course but, I prefer to sleep curled around my darling Alexander.  The  poor omega is not accustomed to the cold Pennsylvania winters at all. He comes into our bedroom calling to me softly in case I was asleep and I smile because he is so considerate. I sit up when he comes over to check on me telling him that I merely caught a cold.

He kisses my forehead feeling my fever. I watch emotions flash through his eyes feeling worried, "Alex?" I say to him wondering what he is thinking. He begins to tremble a little not responding to me any further. Tears form in his eyes as he continues to shake sinking to the floor beside the bed. "Alex!" I pushed the quilt aside going to kneel beside him. "Alexander, dearest what ails you?" I asked gently cupping his face in my hands. " P-please lord n-not again..." He mumbles his azure eyes unfocused and glassy tears falling down his cheeks.

"Shh." I wrap my arms around Alexander rubbing circles on his back feeling him trembling in my arms. I press kisses to his tear stained cheeks nuzzling him trying to comfort my distressed mate. I feel him nose at my scent gland inhaling a bit of my scent. He relaxed slightly pulling away to look at me. "My precious lion." I hummed softly kissing his forehead.  He blushes holding me tighter. "Let's get warmed up hm?" I say to him receiving a nod. I scoop him up getting an adorable squeak from the omega.

We settle beneath the blanket my arms wrapped around him; I scent Washington on him probably from a friendly pat on the shoulder. The general values Alexander's input above the other 30 aides including myself. I nuzzle his neck feeling him smile. He turns to face me resting his forehead against mine. "I love you John." My heart flutters every time he says that.

I go to reply the same to him when I feel mucus clog my throat. I turn mu head and begin to cough into my sleeve. Alex sits up beside me looking worried. He rubs my back as I try to hack up the mucus clogging my throat. I feel like I am trying to force a lung out of my mouth hitting my chest  gently. Alex suddenly stopped rubbing my back and I heard him leave the room likely to fetch me a glass of water.

After a full minute of coughing I spit the glob of mucus into a piece of tissue tossing it into rubbish bin. I hear a crash from downstairs and glass breaking. I instinctively feel protective of my mate pushing the quilt aside once again. I get out of bed  quickly heading downstairs. I smell blood and run to the kitchen ready to defend my mate from the invading alpha. Instead I find my mate on the floor a broken glass beside him.

Alex's hand is bleeding and he's shaking horribly. I rush to his side carefully avoiding the broken glass. I pull him onto my lap pulling the med kit off the counter. I find no glass in his hand sighing with relief. I clean and wrap his hand. He is still shaking like I knotted him. Tears pour down his face and his scent is severely distressed.

He whimpers his eyes completely clouded over and unfocused. "Alexander, darlin...." I nose his scent gland trying to calm him down; he looks at me. "What brought this on?" I ask him gently. He clings to me sobbing, " D-d-don't leave me alone! I c-cannot live without y-you." Startled I wrap my arms around him, "Alexander I have no intention of leaving you. I love you too much to leave you." He continues to sob his breathing shallow,  "You're s-sick...and c-could d-die..." Now I'm really worried, "I have a head cold dearest not a deadly disease. I will not die from a minor head cold." Alex is hyperventilating at this point his thin frame shaking harder than before. "P-people have d-died from c-colds!" While that's true it usually results from the cold going untreated and developing into something worse.

"I don't w-want y-you t-to d-die J-John..." I hold him tightly rubbing his back trying desperately to calm him down. Alex has had anxiety  attacks before but, never one this intense. He seems beyond listening to reason. I hate using my endotype against my mate but, I know his body cannot handle an anxiety attack this intense at the moment. I press my scent gland causing Alex to look up at me and whimper his eyes glassy.

I kept my fingers on my scent gland until he shrunk back in submission crying for forgiveness. I immediately stop cradling him in my arms. "Shh shh. Breathe Alexander, deep breaths." I run my fingers through his hair whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Just as he began to calm down I am struck with another coughing fit. I am left breathless  until I spit out another glob of mucus into a dirty towel over a minute later. I felt wet spots on my nightshirt and see that Alexander is crying again. "Alexander..." I murmur rocking my distressed mate going to sit by the fire. He continues to give soft heartbreaking sobs clinging to me like I will disappear should he release me. I rub circles on the omega's back rocking him gently wishing I had enough of my voice to sing to him. It hurts my heart to see him so upset and even more so when I realize he cried himself out.  I kiss his head standing to go back upstairs. "I love you Alexander, my precious lion." I return to our bedroom tucking us both under the quilt. I stroke his cheek worried about my mate. 

I sat reading my book when the bedroom door opened causing me to tense  instinctively protecting my vulnerable mate. I look up and see Lafayette relaxing at the sight of the married alpha. "Mon ami you were absent again... I had to make sure you are all right." Lafayette sits beside the bed in a chair seeing Alex sleeping. "Finally asleep?" He asked me quietly. "He had a panic attack a half hour before you came in to check on my condition." I replied sadly running my fingers through Alex's hair. "He panicked when I started coughing...beg pardon it actually   started when I told him I have a cold."

Lafayette sighs, "John his mother died of illness." I feel my heart drop when Lafayette said that. "Ever since then seeing anyone he is close to sick in any way sets off his anxiety. He has lost everyone except for ourselves." My friend stands, "I shall inform the general that you are unwell." He turns and walks out leaving me alone with Alexander and the new information he gave me. 

I think on it until Alexander stirs beside me; he opens his eyes his ginger hair frizzy from the pillow. "I a- apologize f-for earlier..." He murmurs looking away ashamed. I pull him into my arms nuzzling his messy hair feeling his shoulder slump. I  pepper his face with kisses making him chitter softly and nuzzle my neck. "Alex did your mother die from illness?" I asked as we lay cuddling feeling him tense up in my arms. I receive a nod and hear him sniffle. "Is that why you panicked seeing me coughing earlier?" He nods again a soft whimper escaping his lips.

I turn him to face me seeing tears running down his cheeks.

I rub them away with my thumbs kissing his forehead, "Shhh dearest I'm all right." I cup his cheeks in my palms forcing him to meet my eyes. "It's just a cold Alexander, nothing more all right?" "All r-right." He says and I give him a quick kiss enjoying the dark blush that blossoms across his cheeks. I return to cuddling my mate feeling him become more relaxed. "I love you John." He mumbles as he fall back to sleep. My heart fluttered and I kissed his cheek saying, "I love you too Alexander." As I fall back to sleep myself. 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr:  
> https://hamiltrash2097.tumblr.com/
> 
> drop by and explore. any promts will be posted here


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